


'Til The Night Is Gone

by Sokkas_First_Fangirl



Series: I Lay My Life Before You [20]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Alpha Brian, Alpha Jim Hutton, Alpha Roger Taylor (Queen), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Arguing, Beta John Deacon, Childbirth Recovery, Difficult childbirth, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Knotting, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Non-Graphic Smut, Omega Freddie Mercury, Omega Phoebe Freestone, Omega Verse, Post-Coital Cuddling, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21811519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sokkas_First_Fangirl/pseuds/Sokkas_First_Fangirl
Summary: Six months after the birth of their daughter, Freddie's finally given the green-light to resume life as normal. He could go to work again. He could sleep with his husband again.He just would have expected Jim to be a little more excited about it.Or: The one where Jim's so worried about hurting Freddie that he ends up hurting him anyway.
Relationships: Freddie Mercury & Roger Taylor, Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon & Brian May & Freddie Mercury & Roger Taylor, Peter "Phoebe" Freestone & Freddie Mercury, Peter "Phoebe" Freestone & Jim Hutton
Series: I Lay My Life Before You [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1256678
Comments: 12
Kudos: 60





	'Til The Night Is Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This was re-written so many times, but I'm as happy as I'll ever be with it. I wanted to explore more aftermath of Maeve's birth and the lingering effects it had on everyone involved- in particular, Jim and Freddie. 
> 
> I still can't write smut, so don't get your hopes up, it's not exactly graphic 😂

**May, Garden Lodge, London, 1988** **  
** **_“Easy they come, easy they go; I jump from the train, I ride off alone. I never grew up, it's getting so old. Help me hold onto you. I've been the archer. I've been the prey. Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?” -The Archer,_ ** **Taylor Swift**

After six months, Freddie had finally been given the all clear to resume life as normal. It had taken four months for him to feel at all well again, and another two just to be safe. Doctor’s orders and all that.

But now, finally, he was allowed to record again. He didn’t have to spend most of the day resting. His energy levels were slowly growing again. He could drink and eat what he wanted (well, within reason, he had to be in good shape to look after Maeve), and-  _ thank God-  _ he could have sex again.

He just would have expected Jim to be a little  _ happier  _ about it.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It started off fine. Kissing? Not a problem. Sitting in Jim’s lap? His husband didn’t even question it. But when Freddie went to untie Jim’s pyjama bottoms, Jim lightly took his hands and pushed them away.

“Sorry, honey, I’m exhausted,” he said with a sheepish smile. Which was- well, fair enough, honestly. Maeve was the best thing to ever happen to him, but Freddie could admit she was a handful. They were  _ both  _ exhausted. 

So, Freddie accepted it. Disappointed, sure, but not all that surprised.

It was when it  _ continued  _ like this that he started to get nervous about it all.

The second time, Jim yawned loudly and gently lifted Freddie off him. Same excuse. Too tired.

The third time, Jim gave a limp shrug, an apologetic smile, and said he wasn’t really in the mood.

_ That  _ was when Freddie started to worry.

As he climbed out of the bath one night, he stopped and looked at himself in the full-length mirror, biting his lip. He looked worriedly at the stretch marks on his stomach and thighs, starting to fret. Would the damn things ever go away, or was he stuck with them? He hadn’t lost the baby weight either. His stomach was too soft, his thighs and ass were too fat- there were still dark shadows under his eyes...God, no wonder Jim wasn’t in the mood.

_ Stop that,  _ Freddie told himself, wrapping a towel around his waist tightly.  _ It’s not that. _

But what if it  _ was? _

How many stories had he heard of Alphas going off their partners, their Omegas especially, once they’d given birth? Once they weren’t  _ attractive  _ or  _ fun  _ anymore? Too many bloody times. It was thrown around as jokes, it was whispered and tutted about; people shook their heads and said, “Well, they sure let themselves go.”

He was being paranoid. He had to be paranoid. This was  _ Jim,  _ Jim Hutton, his husband. This was the man who stayed in the hospital with him every day until he could come home; this was the father of his daughter, the man who persistently complimented Freddie just to make him smile. There was no way, simply no way, that he’d gone off Freddie just like that.

But what if…?

  
  
  
  
  
  


Recovering from childbirth and the changes it brought to your body could give anyone’s confidence a beating; add on just how dangerous it had been, add on the long recovery, and Jim suddenly  _ not touching him,  _ and of course Freddie was worried.

He sure as hell didn’t feel attractive himself. He looked in the mirror and frowned every time. To his own eyes, he looked a right mess. It was a far cry from how you wanted to look when you were aiming to get your husband to finally sleep with you again. It wasn’t like he could even just go put something sexy on, because his club clothes didn’t fucking  _ fit  _ anymore. He briefly considered some of the things Elton had bought for Freddie’s stag night and quickly pushed the thought away. Because, big bloody surprise, the stupid sexy underwear didn’t fit either.

Great. Fabulous. Just what he needed. 

He’d tried to initiate sex five times now and he wasn’t sure he had the nerve to try again, which was ridiculous, surely? Why was he suddenly feeling so shy of  _ Jim? _

Because Jim was still acting like Freddie would break if he so much as lifted a dinner plate. Because Jim kept looking at him so strangely, because Jim refused to do anything more than cuddle him or kiss him. Which was lovely, just...Not what he wanted.

Was it really so bad of him to miss sex? He didn’t think so. It wasn’t like Jim had any problems with sex before now, so  _ why now? _

_ It’s because you look like shit,  _ was his instant thought. He couldn’t really argue against it.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“I'm your music. (I am your music and I am your song.) I'm your song. (I am your music and I am your song.) Play me time and time again, and make me strong. (Play me again, 'cause you're making me strong.) Make me sing, make me sound. (You make me sing and you make me...) Andante, andante, tread lightly on my ground. Andante, andante; oh, please don't let me down.” -Andante Andante,_ ** **Lily James (cover)**

He tried not to be hurt by it. Really. But he wasn’t a robot, he was only human, and it  _ did  _ hurt. Did Jim really not find him attractive anymore? Just like that? The idea terrified him; it made his throat close up, and he held Maeve closer, light rubbing her back as she dozed off in his arms.

It couldn’t be that easy, surely? If it was anyone else, Freddie would believe it more easily, but this was Jim, his husband, his bond partner. They couldn’t just switch off their feelings. Well.  _ Freddie  _ couldn’t. He’d like to blame it on hormones, but he didn’t think he could use that excuse anymore, not six months on. Though what did he know, really? He felt like he was flying blind with...Well, with everything. He second-guessed his every move with Maeve, petrified of hurting her, of doing something wrong. As happy as he was to record again, he felt too distracted to really get lost in it. He constantly fretted about leaving Maeve, he still felt tired more often than not, and now there was  _ this.  _ This stupid paranoia that Jim thought he was ugly now- because it  _ was  _ stupid, it was, it  _ had  _ to be.

He was just being paranoid. He was slipping into the hysterical, ditzy Omega stereotype. That was it.

He still felt terribly nervous about trying again. Jim had practically flinched away when Freddie’s hip brushed against his, and that had just been by accident. It wasn’t exactly encouraging, being told  _ no  _ at every turn.

It made a huge difference. Once upon a time, in the early days, Jim was nervous about initiating anything, not Freddie. Before Maeve was born,  _ neither _ of them had trouble with all but jumping on each other whenever they damn well pleased.

It was all so  _ different,  _ and for once he couldn’t read Jim’s mood, he couldn’t guess what Jim was thinking.

So yes, he was nervous. Anxious even. Embarrassed and hurt.

But Freddie was nothing if not stubborn, and he just wanted everything to be  _ normal. _

So, swallowing his trepidation, Freddie tried again.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It didn’t go well.

Freddie knew he was normally damn good at teasing. Hell, he usually prided himself on it. He was good at stringing his partners along, bending them to his will with a well placed smile and a sway of his hips. He’d usually put his flexibility to good use, easily using it to get his way- and more often than not, drive Jim insane.

He didn’t feel quite  _ right.  _ He didn’t feel confident that this would work. He felt shy and nervous, in a way he hadn’t in a long time, maybe years.

That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try.

He took ages in the bath, until Jim called out “You still alive in there, love?” He took another age on his hair, trying his best to style it, fluff it out-  _ something,  _ he’d settle for anything other than it hanging there limply at this point. When he was stuck in the hospital, one thing he’d desperately missed was a proper bath. And his moisturiser, he’d missed that too, so he was all too happy to use that now. He grabbed the cologne Jim had bought him for his birthday, dabbing some on his wrists. 

Pretty much anything sexy he owned didn’t fit anymore, but he’d let Elton drag him to the shops to buy some more stuff. For a moment, he hesitated, because he sure as fuck didn’t  _ feel  _ sexy. He felt awkward and nervous; he even felt a little ridiculous, certain he looked a sight. All the same, he pulled the black silk and lace underwear on, sternly telling himself he was being ridiculous. There was hardly any reason to be shy. He put one of his favourite kimonos on, the orange and gold one, so long that it trailed behind him when he walked. Trying not to bite his lip, he went back into the bedroom.

He breathed a little easier when Jim looked him up and down, his eyes lingering on Freddie’s exposed chest.

For a moment, just a moment, Freddie relaxed, telling himself he’d been stupid after all. When he kissed Jim, his husband didn’t pull back or push him away. For the first time in weeks, Jim pulled Freddie onto his lap, holding Freddie in place.

_ Fucking finally,  _ Freddie thought, shrugging the kimono off. He nearly laughed out of sheer relief when Jim pushed it further down so it pooled around his hips. He must have done something right tonight, because Jim finally seemed interested.

Until Freddie linked their hands and led Jim’s hand up his thigh. Then Jim grit his teeth, gave a muffled groan and abruptly stopped. 

“We can’t,” he said, though he was still looking rather pink in the cheeks. His eyes still wandered, but he didn’t move. He kept his hands by his side, clenched into fists.

Freddie’s heart sank. His throat suddenly tightened and he asked, “Why not?”

“We just- look, Freddie honey, I’m...I’m just not in the mood-”

“You were two seconds ago!” 

“We just  _ can’t  _ right now, you’re-”

“I’m what?” Freddie demanded, heart pounding. “What? Go on, I’m what? I won’t  _ break,  _ Jim, I-”

“You’re not exactly in a fit state right now,” Jim snapped. “ _ That’s _ why.”

It would have hurt less if Jim had slapped him, he was sure.

There was a long awful pause. Jim clapped his hand over his mouth, and Freddie climbed off Jim’s lap, pulling his kimono back on, tying it tightly, wrapping his arms around himself. He willed his eyes to stay dry and failed. This was so fucking humiliating, and it was from  _ Jim.  _ That was what made it worse.

Freddie had been embarrassed before. He’d been humiliated before, both privately and publicly. And yet this one hurt the most.

“I know I look awful,” he said, and he hated how his voice cracked. “You don’t have to rub it in.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “What? No, honey, that’s not-”

“I’m going to check on Maeve,” Freddie mumbled. It  _ hurt,  _ it hurt more than he ever would have expected, and he couldn’t believe that  _ Jim  _ of all people had said it.

“Fred, I didn’t  _ mean _ it like that,” Jim said quickly. This time when Jim reached out, Freddie was the one to jerk away. “I just meant-”

“I know what you meant,” Freddie said coldly. He stood up, hurrying towards the door, firmly keeping his back to Jim, because if he looked at him he’d start crying for real. “And you can fuck right off.”

“Darling-”

Freddie slammed the door behind him.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days. If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all, then I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you. If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go. Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go.” -Wherever You Will Go,_ ** **The Calling**

Jim had never felt like such an asshole before. 

He saw the tears in Freddie’s eyes and was utterly appalled with himself. He’d made his husband, his  _ bond partner  _ cry.

_ “I know I look awful. You don’t need to rub it in.” _

But that wasn’t what he’d  _ meant,  _ God no, not at all. 

Jim had nearly lost him, and he hadn’t even been there. Freddie could have died long before Jim made it to the hospital, and that hadn’t stopped breaking Jim’s heart for a single second. He hadn’t been there, but it had been enough to leave  _ Roger,  _ one of the strongest people Jim knew, utterly catatonic for  _ hours.  _ That alone told Jim all he needed to know.

It had been such a close call. Jim had come so close to being a single parent, and then there was the long recovery period. It had come as a shock to see Freddie so tired and pale, so utterly worn out. Freddie, who usually bounced about with endless energy was suddenly bedridden- and even when he could get up, he could barely walk without help. He nursed Maeve, bathed her and clothed her, all while Jim hovered protectively. Jim quickly lost count of how often Freddie fell asleep throughout the day, simply too tired to keep up with everyone else. He constantly fretted over Freddie’s stitches, terrified he’d tear them somehow. And Freddie, usually so independent, leaned against Jim and let him take charge without fuss.

Even that scared Jim. It spoke volumes.

God, Jim should have just been honest from the start. He didn’t want to hurt Freddie. He didn’t ever want to hurt Freddie, and he was convinced (still was, if he was honest) that sex  _ would  _ hurt him. What if it was still too early? Freddie was so  _ small,  _ and Jim was terrified, so completely terrified of harming him. What if he hurt him? What if Freddie was still too tired, still in too much pain? Surely he wasn’t  _ actually  _ up for it, Jim had told himself. Freddie still needed to rest. Jim didn’t want to hurt him, he didn’t want Freddie to end up back in a hospital bed.

But he’d hurt Freddie anyway. Just not in the way he’d expected.

Freddie didn’t come back, and Jim went after him.

Maeve was fast asleep in her crib, but there was no sign of Freddie.  _ Shit.  _

He checked all of downstairs, but Freddie wasn’t there. He came across a few of the cats, who weren’t happy to be disturbed. He checked the guest rooms, the bathrooms, but there was still no sign of his husband. The alarm was still set, so he hadn’t left the house. Jim was about to panic when he noticed the light on under Phoebe’s door.

Softly, he knocked. “Pheebs? Is Freddie with you?”

Phoebe opened the door a crack. His hair stood up on end and he looked distinctly unimpressed. For a moment, he reminded Jim of a mama bear protecting its cub, more intimidating than Jim would have given him credit for.

“I don’t know what you said,” he said flatly. “But he was in tears.”

“I know,” Jim said. The guilt kept growing. Phoebe shook his head, frown deepening.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“Phoebe-”

“ _ Jim. _ He doesn’t want to talk to you.” Phoebe sighed, looking over his shoulder. “Just leave him be for now. He’ll be staying in here tonight.”

“Pheebs,” Jim began impatiently, but Phoebe held his head high.

“Omegas only,” he said primly, and closed the door.

Well  _ fuck.  _ He’d made a mess this time.

But he knew when he was beaten. He simply wasn’t the type of man to barge into Phoebe’s room by force and make Freddie to speak with him. 

He went to check on Maeve, lingering for a while. He knew that Freddie often got up in the night to check on her, regardless if she was crying or not. 

But this time, there was no sign of him. Sighing, Jim gently brushed a finger over his daughter’s chubby cheek, and went back to bed.

_ I’ll talk to him in the morning,  _ Jim told himself.

He didn’t get to. Freddie had already left by the time Jim got up to start gardening.

  
  
  
  
  
  


His boys kept shooting him worried glances, and Freddie knew he was being rather obvious. He’d been quiet and withdrawn all day and only poked at his lunch. Add on that he was the first to arrive, and of course they knew something was up.

Soon after lunch, Brian ushered the rest of the team out, so it was just the four of them.

“Alright, Freds, what’s up?” Roger asked gently, taking Freddie’s hands.

For a moment, Freddie kept quiet. He didn’t really want to talk about it, but the thoughts kept swirling in his head, faster and faster, over and over again, and he couldn’t get Jim’s words out of his head.

_ “You’re not exactly in a fit state right now-  _ that’s  _ why.” _

His eyes stung, his chest hurt, and Freddie mumbled “Do you think I’m fat?”

Instantly, there was a chorus of protests.

“Of course not!” Roger cried, still holding onto Freddie’s hands.

“Hardly,” Brian scoffed, folding his arms. “Fred, you’re tiny.”

“Not in the least,” Deacy said.

Freddie shook his head, staring at the floor, refusing to look at them, because  _ fuck,  _ this was so  _ embarrassing.  _ He should have kept his big mouth shut.

“What brought that on, hm?” Deacy asked, rubbing at his back. It was exactly what Freddie did to Maeve, and it nearly made him laugh. Nearly. He wasn’t quite in a laughing mood.

“Just...Just something Jim said…”

“What did he do?” Just like that, Roger was snarling.

“It’s more like what he  _ won’t  _ do,” Freddie sighed, rolling his eyes. “I just- ugh, promise not to get weird about this, darlings?”

“Promise,” Deacy said.

“I watched you give birth,” Roger said. “We have no secrets.” That, at least, got a smile off Freddie.

Brian shrugged. “Can’t be any worse than the time I walked in on Rog-”

“We don’t speak of it,” Roger said quickly. “Ever.”

“ _ Anyway-  _ Freddie. What’s up?” Deacy asked.

“Jim kept avoiding sex-  _ keeps  _ avoiding sex, I should say. And last night it seemed like he might actually  _ want  _ to, but then he just stopped, and-” Freddie bit his lip, still avoiding eye contact.

“And?” Brian asked.

“...He said I’m in not in a fit state right now,” Freddie said flatly, but his stomach churned, his chest tightened.

“He fucking  _ what? _ ” Roger shot to his feet, snarling. “I’ll rip his balls off, then we’ll see who’s in a  _ fit state. _ ” Before he could move- and Freddie didn’t doubt that he  _ would  _ hunt Jim down- Brian grabbed him by the arm.

“Slow your horses, Rog,” he said. “Let’s actually  _ talk  _ about this.”

“ _ Jim  _ said that?” Deacy looked shocked- rightly so, because so was Freddie.

“He’s barely even let me touch him,” he said miserably. “He fucking  _ flinched  _ when I brushed against him. I know I look like shit right now, but he doesn’t need to make it so  _ obvious. _ ”

“No you don’t,” Roger said fiercely. He knelt in front of Freddie, cupped the back of his head and pressed their foreheads together. “You  _ don’t.  _ You’re beautiful, you know that.”

“No, I’m not,” Freddie said, laughing weakly. “Can we all please stop saying that?”

“Yes you are,” Deacy said.

But Freddie didn’t believe them.

Brian, fiddling with his hair and biting his lip, said, “Maybe...Maybe he just meant you’re still not well?”

“But I  _ am  _ well,” Freddie said. He was bloody knackered, sure, but that  _ happened  _ when you had a baby. He wasn’t in pain anymore. The stitches had long since been taken care of. He was  _ fine.  _ He’d just wanted some normalcy, he’d wanted to know his husband still  _ wanted him.  _

“I just...I just wanted to know he still wanted me,” he admitted. Brian’s face crumpled, Deacy wrapped an arm around him, tugging Freddie down to rest his head on Deacy’s shoulder. Roger squeezed his hand, kissing the top of Freddie’s head.

“He does,” Deacy said quietly. “Of course he does.”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Freddie said, leaning against him. It didn’t seem like it at all.

“I’ll rip his balls off,” Roger said. “Say the word and I will.”

Freddie managed a smile, holding onto Roger’s hand.

“Please don’t, darling.”

“Yeah, Fred’s more than capable of doing that himself,” Brian said dryly.

Now  _ there  _ was an idea.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“Now I'm back to find a way to say the things I didn't say. And I would let you know you cannot walk away, ‘cause there are things to say. And I know that you might not see this tonight, but there are things to say. We have life to make. Walked these streets a thousand times, a thousand more if it helps me find the place I was where you and I collided.” -Things To Say,_ ** **SafetySuit**

Freddie couldn’t avoid him forever. Jim paced restlessly until he heard the key in the lock; as soon as he did, he flew to the front door. Before Freddie could push past him, or even open his mouth to speak, Jim pulled him into his arms, holding on tight.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Honey, I’m so  _ so  _ sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t mean it like  _ that,  _ God, I’d never- I just meant I didn’t want to  _ hurt  _ you.”

“You’ve a funny way of showing it,” Freddie said. His voice was quiet, miserable, and Jim couldn’t stand it. Freddie went to pull away, but Jim clung to him.

“I need to feed Maeve,” Freddie said tiredly.

“There’s plenty of bottles still in the fridge, Phoebe’s got her. Please, Freddie, we need to talk.”

“You made yourself pretty clear,” Freddie said, some fire coming back into his voice. He struggled against Jim’s grip, frowning up at him, eyes narrowed. “Okay? I get it. I look awful.”

“No you  _ don’t. _ ”

“Yes I fucking well do,” Freddie snapped. He managed to push away and stormed towards the stairs. “The stretch marks are hideous, my thighs are huge, my stomach’s all- all saggy and there’s  _ wrinkles,  _ and my arse is huge too, and-”

“And  _ nothing, _ ” Jim said, quickly going after him and grabbing his hand. “Love, you’re bea-”

“Don’t,” Freddie said. “ _ Don’t.  _ I’m not.”

“Yes you are,” Jim said quietly. He’d always thought Freddie was beautiful, how could he have let Freddie  _ forget  _ that? How could he have put it in Freddie’s head that it was a lie?

Freddie stared at him, frowning. “Brian’s right,” he said. “I should rip your balls off myself.”

“I- pardon?” Jim asked, blinking rapidly.

“Roger said he’d rip your balls off,” Freddie said. Jim felt a shiver of true fear run through him. Freddie looked utterly  _ delighted.  _

“Did he?” Jim asked weakly.

“Yes. Brimi said I could do it myself.” His eyes narrowed. “Don’t tempt me.”

“Fred-”

“Just leave me alone, Jim.”

“No,” Jim said, holding on tighter when Freddie went to pull away. “Honey,  _ please,  _ you have to believe me. I- God, I nearly  _ lost  _ you. You nearly died, and I wasn’t even there. You-” Despite himself, Jim’s eyes watered, because all he could think of was running down the hospital corridors, looking for his husband and daughter. He remembered seeing the  _ Queen  _ boys, taking one look at their faces, and knowing it had all gone horribly wrong. 

He didn’t get a wink of sleep until Freddie woke up again.

“You nearly died,” Jim repeated. He doubted it would ever stop horrifying him. “You were so sick for ages, honey, you could barely  _ stand.  _ I was...I was scared of hurting you again.” His laugh was half a sob. “And then I did anyway.”

Freddie was silent. His face was unreadable, but his eyes weren’t so cold anymore.

Slowly, he nodded.

“I believe you,” he said, and Jim felt weak with relief. He pulled Freddie back into his arms, and Freddie let him, his nails digging into Jim’s back.

“You’re beautiful,” Jim said. “You’re so fucking beautiful. I’ll prove it, I promise.”

Freddie didn’t say anything to that. He didn’t look like he believed Jim at all.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“Hit me like a ray of sun burning through my darkest night. You're the only one that I want; think I'm addicted to your light. I swore I'd never fall again, but this don't even feel like falling, gravity can't begin to pull me back to the ground again. And it's like I've been awakened; every rule I had you breakin’. It's the risk that I'm taking. I'm never gonna shut you out.” -Halo,_ ** **Beyonce**

It was a sudden role reversal. For two days Freddie pulled away from Jim’s hands, keeping his back to him. When Jim spooned him, he didn’t let Jim touch his stomach.

Jim thought of their most romantic nights: their wedding, their first anniversary, their honeymoon, Barcelona, Live Aid, their first night in Ireland...They didn’t necessarily have much in common, he couldn’t think of a common factor, beyond that it was all slow and soft and sweet, usually after an emotional day of some sort.

Well, they’d certainly been emotional lately, just not the good kind.

Freddie could be awfully shy, Jim knew that. It had taken him by surprise at first, but he quickly found it endearing. Now he worried, because Freddie had never been shy about stripping off in front of Jim, never, not once. Not until now.

_ I did that,  _ Jim thought, watching as Freddie darted into the bathroom to change.  _ That’s my fault. _

But he meant it. He thought Freddie was the most gorgeous Omega he'd ever seen. He just…needed to prove that he meant it. He needed to give Freddie a reminder. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


It was slow going. Freddie was shyer than Jim had ever seen him; he’d slip out of Jim’s arms, saying he had to check on Maeve, or he had promised to call Deacy, or he wanted to sleep, or he wanted to take a bath. For once, he refused to let Jim join him.

Jim had once found it awkward trying to be romantic. Suave and sexy just didn’t feel like words that applied to him. Once, he’d blushed at the idea of holding hands in public. Not exactly the big strong Alpha type that everyone assumed he was at first glance. Meeting Freddie changed that. 

So he did what Freddie would have done. He dimmed the lights and lit Freddie’s favourite scented candles- he didn’t have any rose petals handy, but he made sure the bed was pristine, he fetched a bottle of champagne and their best crystal flutes. 

It would have to do. Compared to their old honeymoon suite it fell short by a mile, but it would do.

He resisted the urge to pace or fiddle with anything and sat on the bed.

Soon enough, Freddie came back from Maeve’s room, humming under his breath. To Jim’s growing delight, Freddie’s eyes softened as he looked around the room.

“What’s all this?” he asked.

“An apology,” Jim said, forcing himself to not duck his head, to keep his voice steady; if he looked away now, Freddie would assume he was lying. “And I still have a point to prove.”

“Oh?” Freddie’s eyes widened slightly, like he was waiting for the punchline. Jim went to him, leaning down to kiss him, his hands on Freddie’s hips.

“You’re beautiful,” he said simply. “And I want you.”

Freddie still looked doubtful, but when Jim nipped at the bond mark he automatically tilted his head back.

“You still up for it, darling?” Jim asked.

There was a moment’s hesitation before Freddie gave a small nod.

  
  
  
  
  
  


He couldn’t convince Freddie to take his shirt off at first. His husband folded his arms stubbornly, lips pressed together, until Jim reluctantly took the hint and moved on.

_ “You’d better worship him like he fucking deserves,”  _ Jim remembered Roger saying, in one of his many infamous shovel talks. He’d promised to, and then he hadn’t. He fully intended to now. He wanted that awful shadow of doubt  _ out  _ of Freddie’s eyes.

He’d never had Freddie refuse to take his shirt off before.

He could work with this. He could. It was just...Jarring, really.

“Can’t we turn the lights off?” Freddie muttered, eyes tightly shut.

“I want to see you,” Jim said, and he could feel himself going red; he hardly sounded like himself. But it seemed to help. Freddie cracked an eye open, frowning- but he lifted his hips when Jim tugged his trousers off, easing the way. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Freddie was actually quite terrified. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this worried about his partner’s reaction to him, but there you go. It felt like every single one of his insecurities, both old and new, were waging a war in his head. It was non-stop. And yet, the way Jim was looking at him...It wasn’t new. Quite the opposite. It was how he’d looked at him before Maeve was born.

It helped. Despite himself, he could feel himself begin to relax. 

Jim, the utter bastard, immediately latched onto the bond mark, and Freddie’s breathing hitched, his hips jerked of their own accord. Jim ground down against him, one hand sneaking up Freddie’s shirt.

“That’s cheating,” Freddie gasped. Stupid sensitive bond mark.

“Maybe,” Jim chuckled. He pulled back and shrugged his own shirt off. “But it works.” His hands went to Freddie’s hips; cautiously, he tugged at Freddie’s underwear, watching him almost warily. “Okay?”

Freddie nodded and closed his eyes. He kept them closed as Jim tugged his underwear off, he kept them closed when he heard Jim’s zipper- he only opened them again when Jim hitched Freddie’s legs over his shoulders.

“What’re you-?” He cut himself off with a loud moan when Jim started licking at his entrance, his hands digging into Freddie’s thighs. “Fuck,” he gasped, back arching. Sue him, it had been  _ months.  _ Damn it all, it was what he had  _ wanted.  _ And Jim seemed to want it, because he wasn’t wasting time, pulling Freddie as closely against him as he could, quickly picking up the pace until Freddie was gasping and whimpering, his hips rolling.

And Jim didn’t stop until Freddie came, breathless and moaning Jim’s name.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Jim pulled back, though he kept Freddie’s legs on his shoulders. His Omega definitely seemed relaxed now, blushing, still catching his breath.

“Fucking hell,” he murmured, looking a little dazed. Jim smiled, running a hand up and down Freddie’s leg.

“You alright, love?” he asked.

Freddie nodded with a little hum. Slowly, Jim’s hands went to Freddie’s shirt. He had to bite back a sigh of relief when Freddie let him pull it off.

“Do you still want to?” Jim asked.

Finally, Freddie smiled, nodding again.

“Yeah,” he said. “I do.”

That was all Jim needed to hear.

  
  
  
  
  
  


He still took his time; it was the slowest they’d ever gone. Freddie had to tell him at least five times to “Get a  _ move on,  _ darling!” But Freddie was smiling, laughing as he said it. He looked like himself again.

It was slow, it was so soft and sweet that it bordered on sappy, but it was what Jim wanted, what they both wanted, what they both  _ needed. _

Still, he was surprised when, half-way through, Freddie gasped out, “Knot me.”

He felt a stab of fear then, certain it would be too much, that he’d hurt Freddie, that he’d make him cry again.

So Jim slowed down, looking at Freddie worriedly.

“You’re sure?” he asked. “Honey, honestly, are you  _ sure? _ ”

“I’m sure,” Freddie said. He whined at Jim’s next thrust, but carried on stubbornly. “I’m sure, I promise.” His big brown eyes shone in the candlelight, and he looked at Jim seriously, totally certain. “I want you.” And then, quieter, “I need you.”

And God help him, Jim needed him too. More than anything.

“Tell me if anything hurts. I mean it, Fred, you have to tell me.”

Freddie nodded, clinging to Jim more tightly. “Promise, darling,” he said.

Jim would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it. They’d both agreed that knotting sounded too risky during pregnancy, and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t missed it. 

He let his instincts take over for a moment: growling, he hitched Freddie’s legs up higher, holding on tighter, holding Freddie as close to him as he could. He still didn’t go  _ fast,  _ but he went harder, deeper, and Freddie got  _ louder.  _ As the knot began to swell, Freddie all but screamed, his nails digging into Jim’s back.

“Are you okay?” Jim gasped.

“Don’t stop,” Freddie said, demanded even. “Don’t stop.”

This time, he didn’t.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Freddie couldn’t seem to stop shivering, though God knew he wasn’t cold. He felt totally out of breath; he was still gasping when Jim finished, and another moan escaped before he could stop it. He’d  _ missed  _ this. This was what he’d wanted, what he’d needed.

“Worth the wait,” he mumbled tiredly. Jim gave a breathless laugh and rolled them over so Freddie was on top. His hands kept wandering up and down Freddie’s arms, his waist, his back and legs. His hands momentarily cupped Freddie’s arse, and he grinned when Freddie laughed.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “Honestly, Freddie, you’re sure you’re alright?”

“Perfect,” Freddie said. He felt like purring for the first time in weeks. He leaned into Jim’s touch. Being knotted again almost felt foreign after so long. He’d missed it. Smiling, he rested against Jim’s chest, closing his eyes. Jim began to play with his hair, and Freddie purred before he could stop himself, but Jim let out a content little hum of his own.

“You’re beautiful,” Jim said quietly. “So-  _ so  _ fucking beautiful.”

“Hardly,” Freddie said, eyes still closed, fighting not to doze off. “I look a right mess.”

“Not a bit.”

Freddie glanced up at him. Jim looked perfectly serious. Freddie didn’t quite believe him yet.

_ Yet.  _ They could work on it.

“I love you,” Jim said, and Freddie smiled, leaning up to kiss him, smiling all the more when the movement tugged on the knot.

“I love you too, darling,” he said softly.

It would take some work to really get back on track, but they’d get there. They’d made a start, they were on the right track. They’d just have to keep working on it.

“You’re sure you’re alright?” Jim asked again, one hand still tangled in Freddie’s hair. 

“Yes, darling,” Freddie said, smile growing. “I’m sure.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
**_“Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me when I've got nothing but my aching soul? I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will. Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?” -Young And Beautiful,_ ** **Lana Del Rey**

**Author's Note:**

> *slapping Jim and Freddie on the back of the head with a newspaper* Communicate, you fools, communicate!
> 
> That's one more part of the series down! Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading 💞


End file.
